I grew up as a Christian Catholic and used to believe that it’s the only religion in the world. I remember going to a mass every Sunday with my family but didn’t really know why we go there. Then I learned from school that if you don’t go to church, you’ll go to hell. And listening to the stories about hell is indeed petrifying so I and my family go to church.
As I grow older, I learn more and acquire more knowledge in every bit of something. Perhaps I was at the age of 10 when I met people with a different religion and then I began to ask “why?”. Why are there different religions in this world knowing and what was taught to me is there’s only one God? I had few muslim classmates back in my elementary days and I discovered the differences between Islam and Christianity. They don’t eat pork at all. They don’t eat chicken unless it’s killed through cutting the neck. Again I asked “why?”. They told me that pig/pork is the dirtiest animal on earth and there’s a poisonous part of the chicken which is located on the upper neck so they had to kill it that way. From then on I became a little bit aware of the variations of our customs. Different clothes, different prayers.
But what I couldn’t comprehend back then was the distinction of the God I know and the God they believe in. It kept on running in my head but didn’t really have a chance scrutinizing through it, maybe because I didn’t have enough resources that time and wasn’t really focusing on it.
Years passed and unknowingly I was already in college and still haven’t found the answer. By that time I was exposed to a vaster and various crowd already. Not only I met people who believe in Islam, I also met people who believe in Hinduism, People who believe in energy as their God and other different religions. When I was in Elementary I though there’s only one, High School I thought there were two (Christianity and Islam), but now, I couldn’t even count all the religions in the world with my fingers and toes.
I then started my journey in searching for the truth. I wanna know the truth not because I wanna be saved. Countless thoughts ran into my head, “Is there really a saviour?, Is there really heaven and hell?, Who will save us all? Jesus, Yahweh, Elohim, Allah, Vishnu, Shiva?”. I wanna know the answers for so many reasons. I wanna know because I am a very inquisitive person. I wanna know because I don’t wanna live my life not knowing even if i have an overflowing chance of ferreting out the truth. I wanna know because I don’t wanna judge others saying that “My religion is the true religion and nothing else! And you can only be saved through Jesus! Other else will go to hell!”. I wanna know because I don’t know like a child who keeps on questioning a teacher “What’s this, what’s that?”. Inside me is constantly asking “What about them?”. My friends who aren’t Christians, them who don’t believe in any God, them who grew up knowing only one religion and died without knowing the real religion, them who ate pork out of hunger and there’s nothing else to eat, them who killed out of self defence, will they be punished after death for all the sins they have committed, or will they all go to hell because they didn’t believe in the true religion? And what about the creatures on the other planets? Do they have religions there as well? Do they have a saviour?
I’ve met a lot of people in my life and though I feel like I might offend them, I still ask if they believe in any God or not at all. I couldn’t count the times that I end up arguing with some friends on account of this topic. I talked to my Christian friends, Muslim, Hindus, Buddhists, Scientists, Agnostics and even Atheists. We all had different opinions from the creation to evolution to the big bang theory to a single cell transformed through environmental circumstances. Some responded with short explanations and some were detailed. Some weren’t able to answer to my questions and some just didn’t respond at all. I had a tough juncture having this discourse and had an intellectual tete-a-tete as well. But at the end of our conversation, I do respect their standpoint in life as thoughtful as I could be.
Some say it’s not by deed but by faith. So what about those who are heavenly good people but don’t believe in any of it, what about those who say they believe but do nothing good to others? Who will be saved? Some say no one knows because only God can judge us but then how come you know that your religion is the real one? Saying that it’s the real one means you should accept all the facts written in the book you believe in. If you say that no one knows and only God can judge us then, you’re saying that it could be not the real religion at all.
People are different. In color, weight, height, language and even our genome can never be the same with another person. So as our beliefs and practices. Imagine if this world has the same creatures in every side of the world. One religion, one color, one language, and just the same as everyone else. Think about it and imagine. For me, it’s all meant to be diverse so we know how to appreciate and respect and to love one another despite the differences we have.
With all these confusions I have on my mind, there’s one thing that I believe which is as plain as the nose on anyone’s face. There’s is a creator, a master of the universe, a being that’s higher than a human being or any life form in this creation. I maybe blinded by fear and struggled to believe but with all the unclear moments of my life, I’ve seen and felt things that were unforeseeable and until now I couldn’t explain. Then I wonder, what if one day I will know the truth, I will know everything and there’s nothing more to ask. By then, I will no longer seek for the truth, no longer attempt to search for something coz I know everything already. A deeper realization came across to me. That I am just a human and not God. Only God knows everything. Only God knows the truth.
I believe in God because I don’t want to be the highest form of being on this macrocosm. Not that I don’t want to be but I know that I am not and will never be. I get sick, I feel down, hurt and eventually will die. And it’s the proof that I am just under a higher being who created everything. I believe in God because I believe in evil and God is the good side although I believe that He created evil to test us. Why test us? It’s the same as having a test in school. Why do we have a test in school? Test is difficult and frustrating. It is to measure what we’ve learned from all the lessons taught to us. And if we fail, we undergo to the same test all over again until we pass. Same as in life, we undergo a lot of tests for us to learn how to become stronger how to overcome it all until we reach our highest point.
This is the story of what I believe and I don’t know if I will be saved but if not and if you say there’s only one way to be saved, let me ask you this, “what about them? “.
Photos taken from trip in Singapore, Malaysia and Philippines.